Blech - 10 Pickup Lines to Avoid at London Nightclubs!

He hee! We don't think any of you will actually use any of these lines … today's post is more a celebration of cheese, schmaltz, and sleaze, than actual advice to do something or not. We're looking at some of the worst (and therefore, most hilarious!) pickup lines to come out ofnightclubs in London in recent times. Read them and use them with a very particular state of mind, immortalized by Homer Simpson: "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try". Especially these pickup lines!

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together"

Ugh! Pure schmaltz! A blatant invitation for girls at a London nightclub to stare in disbelief, then laugh and turn away because they know you can't be serious.

"If I followed you home, would you keep me?"

There has been a single, solitary reported success with this line … so perhaps all is not lost! Make sure you say it with a hint of self-deprecation, though.

"Are those space pants? Cos your ass is out of this world!"

*Shudder* Back away slowly from the guy that says this …

"Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?"

(Rolls eyes …)

What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!

Argh! Don't touch me!

Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy: I looked at you and dropped mine

Girl: Well, I looked at you and then threw up in mine …

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!

Can any ordinary man even say this with a straight face?

I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.

Must be delivered wearing a lab cat and holding a clipboard.

Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

Ha haa! Funny the first time you hear it … not so much on the hundredth time

Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it. (With thanks to Beavis and Butthead!)

One of the more honest ones!

And don't forget our single most truly recommended pickup line - the flower that grew out of a pot of manure …

"Wow."

This one is just so simple. It sounds like a genuine heartfelt compliment … gets the 'picking up' out of the way so you guys can just chat. Feel free to try this one at your London night club this weekend!

Four Hot-Right-Now Clubbing Shoes

Much as the suit makes the man, the shoes make the gals! A great outfit is completely let down by old or mismatched shoes, so if you're on the hunt for a couple of new pairs for coming weekends at nightclubs in London, we've got some tips on hot-right-now shoes for you.

Fiorentini and Baker Eternity 7040 Boot

These boots have been immensely popular in celebrity scenes across the world for the past several years. It really is a classic style of boot, and if you’re a year-round clubber, not just a summer bunny, you'll really appreciate the extra warmth these give you while you’re 'in transit'. The buckles expand the boot to suit your fit. They tend to run a size larger than usual, so order down.

Brian Atwood Maniac Hidden Platform Pumps

These look pretty demure in the nude tone shown, but picture them in red patent leather and you have a classic party shoe that is very now, and will stay that way for a long time! If you want to individualize these shoes a little, so you don't look like any other ladies at your London nightlife spot, order in silver or purple suede!

Philip Lim by Louboutin Booties

Jessica Alba has been spotted out and about in these gorgeous shoes - they look very individual, but are actually very easy to match with all the looks du jour. Imagine them with a little black dress … mmm mmm! Best for night clubs in London where you have seating available … unless you'd like to be paralysed by the end of the night!

YSL Tribute Platform Sandals

These have been sooooo big in Hollywood lately! Alyssa Milano, Tori Spelling, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Leighton Meester and Daneel Harris are just some of the celebs that have been spotted in them. The heels aren't overly, and the slope is quite gentle, the T-bar strap makes them perfect for doing a bit of walking or even a little non-wild dancing. They're not crazy - they'll last you for years to come!

All the hottest shoes at London nightclubs lately have actually been wonderfully versatile pieces - the Fiorentino boots you could even wear to work! If you're ever going to invest in a couple of pairs of foot-candy, now is the time.